Prologue
There are times when the love I feel for him is so strong and powerful that it almost feels as if it is going to tear me apart. It has enveloped me, heart and soul since the very first moment I saw him.
There are moments when he is away that I crave something from him, anything. Just an answer to my questions, to alleviate the doubts and sufferings that creep into my mind when he is not near. How have I become like this? I am holding on to my dignity like the last leaf on a tree in winter because I want to fall to the ground and beg him to love me the way he once did.
I must find something else in my life, for I sense the end. I know if he lets me fall my whole world will shatter into a million pieces and this time there will be no one to put them back together. Though I have no idea what is in his thoughts, I feel I can't compete, that he is letting me slip away. I know too that he doesn't know my thoughts. What would he do if he knew how much I hurt. What will happen if I become myself again. Will he notice if I try to arouse the passion he once had? How will he react if I take back what's mine? Will he stand by me? Will he fight for me? Or will he watch me self destruct. He was my hero. He is my hero. I need him again.
copyright 2019 carol ann lewis
